You became fake, while trying to be real and thats what I learned in my time alone….its impossible to be happy with someone who isn’t happy with who they are. I have known and been happy with myself throughout all life changes. I have made sure I know where I stand on beliefs and that I am able to take in information from experience and teachers without letting them changing who i am. My mind is filtered, not closed or open. I keep my ego as tame as possible without giving up my spinal cord. The worst is over with and I am kicking my bad habits along with this metaphoric game of cards. best wishes on your journey.